Executed Man Accidentally Found Innocent

Ft. Worth, Texas -

A top appeals court accidentally ruled Jacob Tollman, a man executed just days earlier, to be innocent of all crimes today, a state attorney says.

"We have no idea how this could have happened," Robbie Davis Esq. told this paper on condition of anonymity. "It is just so painful for all of us, seeing the judicial system go through this ordeal."

Tollman was convicted of first-degree murder based on the eyewitness testimony of Stan Clavin, a retired plumber, which was corroborated by his seeing-eye dog. He was mistakenly exonerated on the grounds that the dog's testimony was compromised by a quarter-pounder in the prosecutor's back pocket.

In a public statement, Davis announced, "Rest assured, safeguards will be swiftly put in place to prevent such reconsideration of the facts in the future."